"Skiing" in Loveland, Colorado

Thumper said it: “If you French-fry when you should pizza, you’re gonna have a bad time.” The result of disobeying? See above.

I was optimistic about skiing. I’ve always wanted to find some physical activity that I take to like a natural, so whenever I try something new, I hope that I may finally find my niche. Unfortunately, I did not take to the slopes like a snowbunny; in fact, I had only just strapped on the boots and clomped awkwardly across the parking lot dragging my rented equipment when my enthusiasm began to fade. (Seriously, how come I can run in four-inch heels but I can’t even walk in a ski-boot???) And once I clipped my feet onto the skies and began a futile though undoubtedly hilarious effort to “walk,” it faded a little more. And then as I was carried up the mountain in the lift watching skiers whooshing stylishly below me, I began to contemplate my own mortality. I am convinced that I will die in a car accident because of a haunting dream I once had, but I began to challenge even that conviction as Glenn pointed out in a misguided effort to excite me the runs we’d be skiing down; they looked awfully steep, and even if I were to die in a car accident someday, there was nothing that said I couldn’t be horribly maimed in a skiing accident in the meantime.

I hated getting off the lift - I really enjoyed the lift - and upon alighting, I promptly fell over, more on purpose than on accident. I had hoped that the steepness of the slopes was the result of a visual illusion caused by the sun glinting off the snow or something stupid like that, but it wasn’t. I managed to get down the mountain by skiing back and forth in a zigzagging course that ran practically parallel to the slope. Whenever I gained too much speed, I would hurl myself to the ground by way of stopping. Glenn commented on my mad “getting up” skills. That’s right. The part of skiing I took naturally to was getting up after I’d fallen - sounds about right.

Three times I did the same run, before they shut the place down. By the third run, I was going a lot quicker - Glenn said I was doing well for my first time - and I could connect my slow zig-zags pretty readily without having to stop and adjust my direction.